At Cross Roads

Paulo Coelho says in one of his books that the gods reside at cross roads. Ready to help us choose the right path when we pray for guidance.

The toughest bit of a relationship is staying in it. Two people are brought together by their experiences, their similarities, mutual attraction and how effortless it is to be together. Later, this transforms into love. A stronger feeling keeping them together in the exclusion of others, whether married or not.

In the course of the relationship, there will arise a conflict between the two. Mostly coming from their familial backgrounds and also how they each are separate and distinct individuals. Example, I always fault my sister's partner for not placing any importance in celebrating my sister's birthday. I expect a grand gesture from him to her because that is what my sister got in our family. I recently told my mum about it and she told me that he is that way because in his family, birthdays just flew by and in the actual sense, I was bothering him by asking him to go all out for my sister.

Noted.

My relationship with Mr. Man is no different. However from mum's wise words, I now know how to tread when it comes to such. The difficulty I am currently facing is the part where as an individual, I am also in this relationship. Clashes arise. Sometimes it seems my personality is more at fault and that I am the cause of every strife in our relationship. I know that's the position but I can't help but feel that way. Or is it self pity? Or my aloof nature?

Currently, Mr. Man and I have an issue... I really don't know what the issue is though. What I know is I have a smart mouth and the connection between the logical part of brain and my smart mouth were cut along with the fibre optic cable. Maybe that's the issue. Or forms part of it. It must definitely form part of it.

I have very few friends. The few that I have, I hold very close to my heart. I have a bond with all of them which I hope will last forever. Recently, one of these few friends passed away. For some time there, I did not know how to react. Then the tears came, then denial, then anger and acceptance. I could not make it to his funeral but thanks to facebook, I virtually attended it. What hurt most is that this friend was so full of life! So young. Friend to hundreds of people! If only I could touch as many lives as he did! The most likeable person. Where he was, laughter followed. I only had good times wit him. SUre, we had rough patches. But those all went away with a good laugh. I wrote him an email to say goodbye.. I know he wont read it but in my own way, I paid my last respects.

Should this, then, affect my relationship with Mr. Man? I do not see any problem here, do you? What led to my smart answers to Mr. Man was the insinuation that my friend and I were closer than I would like to admit. I don't know the meaning if 'closer' in this instance. What I know is I had good times with my friend. We joked around, had a pet name for each other, listened to a song that always made us giggle and now he's dead.

That is my truth.

I do not know how to handle this situation. Mr. Man and I are somewhere between talking and not talking to each other. I only hope we can resolve this matter and our relationship gets back on track.

O gods at the cross roads. Guide us.


Masha